It runs in the family
by Intoxic
Summary: Tony wants to date Loki and goes to Thor for some advice on how to date properly his baby brother. Thor is very keen to help his shield brother out in this important matter with a small amount of mischief.


**It runs in the family**

Thor was often seen as the less smart than his younger brother Loki. The Trickster, as they called them, took many more schoolings than Thor and had a knack for studies ever since he was a babe. Their mother often prided him over this, while his father preferred Loki to be more like Thor, a great warrior. Throughout the years, both Odinsons rivaled with each other in every aspect of their life, such as studies, fights and of course mischief. Loki was a master in the last one and Thor was no match for his cleverness in jests, until one time.

Thor was readying himself to break a feast, a breakfast as his mortal companions usually referred to the morning meal. Seven pop tarts with strawberries and mangoes were warmed by the microwave, a magical heating device that Thor liked best out of all strange inventions of mortals. It was such a simple way to cook any meal in a short amount of time. A cup of coffee, the best Midgardian drink that Jane introduced him to, was steaming before him and a newspaper lay next to his right hand. He did not understand much from the newspaper, but he was told by his beloved Jane that there will be an interview with her in this science magazine. Thor was grateful to Tony that he purchased this magazine for him, even though he complained that newspapers were passe and everything is on the internet these days. The Internet another wondrous creation of Midgardians, a place where you can find everything you want within seconds. Midgard was full of such wonders. It is why Thor loved being here, surrounded by the woman he loved and his shield brothers and sister.

Thor looked at the beautiful photo of Jane in the paper when someone approached him.

"Hey, He-Man," Stark waltzed into the kitchen and sat down across Thor. "Whatcha reading?"

"The interview with my beloved Jane," he replied, looking up at his friend. It seemed that Stark wandered out of his lab not so long ago. He was still wearing the clothes from last night. "She is truly remarkable."

"Ah yes, our Janie-bear is a real smart cookie," Tony admitted. Thor did not understand the reference, but he assumed it is a compliment for his love. "So and what's going on besides this? Any cool Asgardian gossips?"

"You know well that I have not been in Asgard in three months now, my friend," The Thunderer raised an eyebrow annoyingly at Iron Man. "Ever since Loki was injured in the last battle with doctor Doom."

"Exactly," the man drawled, licking his lower lip. "Speaking of the baby brother."

"Yes? What about Loki? Did he harm you anyway?"

Ever since Loki was brought by Thor to atone for his crimes, as a punishment set by their father, the mage was slowly opening up mostly to Stark. That wasn't surprising. They both were very sharp-minded and shared many passions. Loki was very adamant to adapt to Midgard, to get his seiðr back, and Tony was happy to help him in any way he could. They become friends in a quick time and now they barely spent any moment apart. Thor as the big brother quickly determined their relations. The looks his brother was giving to Stark were boasting with affection. However, he never acted on such feelings. Stark only recently break his relations with Miss Potts and Loki respected him too much to jump into his bed on the first occasion. At least that is what Loki confessed to Thor during one of their drink matches.

"Nah, Loki and I are best buddies now," Stark confirmed and waved this off. "Ok, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Never was and never will. So, here's the thing. I like your brother."

"I'm certain he likes you as well," Thor smiled at him. "He values your friendship the most."

"Yeah, you don't get it, Point Break," Tony continued and leaned over the table. "I like like your baby bro." Thor was silent, as he didn't know this connotation of words. He didn't understand many things on Midgard. "Like you like Jane."

"Oh! You love Loki!" he exclaimed.

"No, no, love is such a big word, Thundercat," Tony opposed to the accusation, but Thor knew better. "I like being around your brother and all that shit."

"I am very happy to hear that you gave your heart to my brother. He will be delighted."

"Yeah, so… that brings us to the point of my approach here," for a moment, Tony was silent, as if he was looking for words. This was strange, Tony was nothing but always certain of himself and his tongue. Just like Loki. "So, I know you two are from a very different culture and world. And I want to do this properly, like for real. I mean, Loki is great and I've never felt like this before about anyone and I'm a little at sea here, like literally lost. I was never good at relationships but I want to do good with Loki."

"Stark," Thor stopped his rattle. "What do you require of me?"

"I want you to tell me how dating looks up in the god-land."

"Dating? What does it mean?" Thor asked, even though he knew the exact explanation of the word, thanks to Darcy. Apparently, he was dating Jane for three years now, though Thor preferred the wording used in his home.

"The thing you're doing with Jane, Goldilocks."

"Ah! You mean courting!" Stark nodded to that.

"Yeah, fancy wording aside, what does courting look like in Asgard?"

Thor couldn't help but smirk at this. It was such a great opportunity to jest a little and Thor could not pass it. Of course, he was happy that Stark has finally reciprocated his brother's feelings. Maybe now joy will fill Loki's cold heart. However, small jest could not harm anyone.

"My dear friend, I am utmost happy that you came with this matter towards me," Thor began, smiling to Stark. "Courting in Asgard is a very sacred ritual, one may say. It occurs many steps, which cannot be forgotten. At the beginning when a man desires to court a woman…"

"Your brother is not a woman, Thor so I guess this…"

"But the principle stays," Thor quickly dismissed it. "You wish to court Loki, thus he falls under the courted category and mostly women are courted in Asgard. At first, you must know, dear friend, that when one wishes to court someone in Asgard, he must gain the approval of the father first. The father of the courted must give you his blessings and then the proper courting can begin. Of course, our father is in Asgard and we're here and Loki is very angry with father thus I will play the role of a father and if I deem you worthy I will give you my blessing in courting my brother."

"So, what should I do to gain your blessing?" Tony inquired lightly. His brown eyes were eyeing Thor suspiciously. "Kill someone? Because that's a big no-no in my book unless someone deserves it."

"Let us not be so drastic, like Clint likes to say," Thor laughed loudly, spilling his coffee on the table. He quickly reached for a kitchen towel that hung on the oven doors and wiped the mess he created. "I already know you are an excellent warrior and if the situation arose you could conquer other suitors of Loki. So indeed, I am giving you my blessing to court my brother, Stark."

"Cool," Tony gave him thumbs up and went to pour himself a cup of coffee as well. Once done, he came back and sat on the same seat he occupied before. "Now that's explained, let's move forward, Blondie. What's the next step in courting the Asgardian Prince?"

"Very well, my friend, now that you have my agreement on the courtship, you must do exactly as I say," Tony nodded eagerly to that. "The second step is proving your values to the courted one. You must prove that you will be an excellent provider for your future family."

"Billionaire here," he pointed at himself. "No need to worry about Loki living in poverty or something. I can provide him with the life he's been used to in Asgard. Next?"

"Indeed, you have resources to give him a great life," Thor agreed quickly. "You must also prove that you can protect him when the danger arrives."

"I'm sure your brother can protect himself better than me," Stark gave him a pointed look. "He has magic."

"It is a principle, Tony. You must act according to the rules of courting."

"So, how should I prove that I can protect him, huh? Kill one of his enemies?"

"That's a start, yes," Tony was surprised at the beginning, but soon remembered that Odinsons were raised in a different culture, where death is not such a big thing like on Earth. "Or at least provide him with means of protection. I am certain you will find a way to do so."

"Ok, next?"

"You must prove your loyalty to Loki."

"And how do I do that?"

"Simple, you must cease laying with others and there must be a public declaration of your courting so others know you are...umm… how to say it… oh! That you are serious about him and he matters more than your previous night conquests." Thor explained as best as he could. Tony was nodding to this wordlessly, clearly thinking about everything Thor said. "You must remember, that at the beginning of the courtship you must refrain from physical contacts with the courted. At first, you must prove your worthy of their hearts and after an appropriate time you may begin small steps in physical aspects of courtship such as hand-holding or innocent kisses only on cheek or top of their palm."

"What?!" Tony exclaimed with disbelief. "You want me to refrain from shagging your brother up for six months? Are you insane?"

"If you truly care for Loki, you will do as it's required of you."

"Fine!" Stark growled in response. "No sex until six months."

"Oh, you misunderstood me, my dear Iron Man." Thor laughed again. "No sex, as you put it until you and my brother will be married in front of our parents in Asgard. Carnal activities between courting and the courted are forbidden until the wedding night. It's a law."

"You've got to be kidding me. It's a joke, right?"

"I would never jest in such an important matter, Tony," When Tony threw his hands in the air and looked away from Thor for a second, the god of thunder bit hard on his lower lip to stop himself from a burst of laughter. This was priceless. The mortal began pacing in the living area and murmured to himself something about middleaged rules. "The two of you must stay pure and innocent until the day of your marriage."

"Woah, Woah, Woah!" the man stopped him. "First of all, I'm not a virgin and I bet my ass on that Loki isn't either. Two, what marriage?! I just want to date your brother not get married to him. Let's not get that much into the future, Point Break."

"Every courtship leads to marriage, Anthony. Even in your realm. This is why I asked for Jane's hand in marriage."

"Congrats then, but I'm not you, MC Hammer and no marriage. I want to date your brother."

"Calm down, Man of Iron, the courtship can last longer than a year," Thor patted his shoulder when Tony stood next to him. "Maybe by then, you will have a different say about marriage with Loki."

"Let's stop talking about marriages and focus on the courtship… let's say that somehow I'll be able to play innocent like in the four grade… then what?"

"You can officially take Loki for a tryst… I am not sure how do you call this in Midgard. Two lovers are going to someplace to spend some time together and learn about their preferences and such."

"A date," Tony replied. "Kay, so I can take Loki out and then what?"

"You must show an interest in his passions and his crafts, and he should respect yours and your lifestyle. Both of you must be loyal to each other and accept the statuses you behold. He's a prince and you are the Earth protector."

"Consider it done already."

"Indeed," Thor agreed. "Of course, to begin the courtship you must offer Loki a gift of great value to you. That will show him the trust you have in him."

"Ok?"

"Gifts are not required later in the courtship but it is well seen if one bestows his beloved with things to cherish. It will show that he's very valuable to you. I offered my sweet Jane one of the emeralds from our family's vault. It belonged to my mother but she passed it on me." Tony scratched his beard in wonder before he smiled to himself. "When the time is right and the courtship reaches its end, the families of the courted and courting gather to plan the wedding and the wedding night that with the proper enchantments of my mother, who's the goddess of marriage and Sif's blessings will result in creating a new life."

"Yeah, that's not possible for us, we're both men." When Thor did not respond, Tony's eyes widened in shock. "Come on, tell me it's not possible, Thor. I've read the myths but… dude, he can't get pregnant, can he? I mean it would be crazy! No, no, no…"

"Relax, Tony, I'm merely jesting about the fertility," Thor could swear Tony breathed in relief after those words. "You are a mortal, you could never impregnate a god."

"What?! It's impossible? He can bear children?!" Tony yelled at the top of his lungs. It was a good thing, Loki was in the SHIELD base with Natasha today or he'd stop Thor's mischief at once. The Thunderer got up from his chair, took the magazine under his elbow and patted Tony's shoulder on his way out, leaving his friend in his pacing and thoughts.

"Good luck in courting my brother!"

The next few months Thor spent mostly with Jane in her apartment in London, enjoying the closeness of his beloved. He rarely fought with Avengers, seeing that they had Loki with them on the team now, who despite a fragile built was just as strong as Thor. The Thunder God could relax for now. And he did so, until one day, when he and Jane were enjoying their morning feast on the balcony when the familiar green magic glimmered next to him and revealed his brother with an angry expression.

"Loki! My brother, I am happy to see you on this lovely day!" he boomed with joy.

"What have you told to Stark?"

"I do not understand, brother."

"Oh, spare me the lies, Thor," Loki sat at the empty chair next to Jane, which was usually occupied by Darcy. However today, she was absent due to her last night's activities with her new lover, Ian. "I've known you for over a millennium. I can recognize your doings. Now, what have you told to Stark?"

"I still do not understand, Loki. I haven't spoken to the Man of Iron for months now. You must be precise, brother."

"The courtship rules? Rings any bell?" Loki leaned over the table to be closer to Tony. "Stark suddenly expressed strange affections towards me. He gave me his first arc reactor as a gift, he gave me full access to his sanctuary. By Odin's beard, he created a new Iron Man suit in my colors. Gold and green! He helped me attack Amora and Lorelai! He brought me a set of daggers made of vibrannium. Anthony revealed his affections towards me on a public event with the storytellers of this realm. Vallhalla, he took me out on dates and ask to hold hands and small kisses, but he refrained from taking me to his bed. And he keeps saying that he must talk with Rhodes if he will go to Asgard with him to have talks with mother and father about our future marriage because and I quote "won't be able to keep it in my pants that long" and to see if I can truly bear children." Loki took a deep breath before he spoke again. "What did you tell to Tony?"

"I merely informed him how the courtship in Asgard looks like."

"There are no rules to such," Thor only smirked knowingly at Loki. "Oh, I'm impressed, brother. You managed to cause mischief. Congratulations, Thor."

"I've learned from the best," he winked at him. "Will you tell Stark that all of that was nothing but a jest?"

"Perhaps," Loki replied as he stood up. "Or perhaps I will enjoy such affections for a little longer until I reveal him the truth." Loki bowed his head to Jane. "Lady Jane, brother. Have a pleasant day. Enjoy your feast."

"Bye," Jane managed to say before Loki disappeared in his green magic. Jane put the bagel she ate on the plate and turned to her boyfriend. "Courtship rules? Really, Thor?" The Thunderer only shrugged his arms in response. "So, I guess it runs in the family, huh?"

"What?"

"Mischief?"

"I believe so," Thor admitted with a smile. "I do wonder, how long Loki will prolong my little jest?"

"Knowing your brother, he will tell Tony after the wedding night."

"I think you may be right, my beloved, Jane. Loki loves mischief, just as much as he loves Tony."

The End


End file.
